I came across this Tumblr post a while back and had to bookmark it because I always feel foolish describing clothes on women. There was a period in my writing where women always wore blouses and skirts and pretty much nothing else because I didn’t know the names of the other things. I still have that problem, and I’m a grown ass man. Thankfully, you don’t have to suffer as I did. Check out the full post here: http://elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey.tumblr.com/post/165929456848/themistrustfulmistress-decorkiki-a-visual
I didn’t understand The Domain here in Austin when it was first built. Who the hell would travel all the way up MoPac just to go to Macy’s? Now, it’s the place to be, growing larger every day, and it’s home to some great restaurants and an aging iPic theater. We don’t go there often though, and it’s for one reason: parking. That brings me to my thesis: Parking at The Domain is a lot like the Cowboys going to the Super Bowl.
Every time you decide to go to The Domain, you think, maybe this time (season), it will be different! Maybe things will go my way and I’ll find a parking spot (not get eliminated in the first round of the playoffs). But no, there’s always a Tony Romo parked in the middle of the street with their flasher on waiting for people to finish getting into their car and leave. And even when you do see a spot, by the time you get to it, the defense has fallen apart and given up an easy 6.
The worst part is that you know finding a parking spot is possible. You remember the good old days when you found a parking spot three times, in 1993, in 1994, and in 1996. What happened in 1995? No one’s quite sure. Maybe there was a Lexus taking up two spots.
Ultimately, you end up parking in the garage (not making the playoffs) and sneering past all the Maseratis (Patriots) in their prime parking spots as you make your way to Sprinkles Cupcakes ATM to buy your fiancee some cupcakes because she’s been craving them and you’re a standup dude.
Every so often, I see a post on Kotaku titled What are you playing this weekend? And I never answer because A) I don’t comment on the Internet and B) the game I’m playing is one of sadness and unrequited desire. Please direct your attention to the photo of PS4 games above. It might be hard to see because of the image quality, but the last two games on the right are still wrapped. Every day, I tell myself I’m going to open one of those games and play them. But I don’t. Every day is a fight to even start playing… and it’s a fight I always lose.
This month, I’m playing Parent Gamer 2018. I recommend it for anyone who likes playing games in 5-minute increments.
Speaking of which, what I’ve actually been playing is They Are Billions. I’ve always been scared that one day age would make it impossible for me to play games anymore. My dad never Nintendo’d. I assume it was because he was too old. Snapchat makes me feel old, but games never did. Until now.
According to Steam, I’ve played 13.1 hours of They Are Billions, and I’ve still yet to win a single round. The zombies–those goddamn dirty zombies–just keep getting me. And every time I start a new game, I know I’m going to lose, and I still start it anyway. It’s the kind of game that you need to sit and play for hours, not five minutes here, five minutes there.
Speaking of Steam, there are so many games I purchased during the sales that I haven’t played. Prey. The Dying Light expansion. Etc.
As a parent, you have no time for gaming. Until the kid grows up, I guess. Then we can play together.
How soon is too soon to introduce your child to Minecraft?
As each year comes to a close, it’s important to look back on everything you’ve done in the last 365 days and tell yourself either good job or you suck. Because what is life without judgment, either internal or external? If you don’t grade yourself, how do you know if you’re #hashtag winning? Exactly. So here you go, 10 of my proudest achievements and 10 of my darkest moments of 2017.
10 Greatest Achievements
- Got my son to sleep on 5.29.17.
- Got my son to sleep on 8.12.17.
- Got my son to sleep on 12.30.17.
- Got my son to sleep on 7.01.17.
- Got my son to sleep on 11.26.17.
- Got my son to sleep on 11.25.17.
- Published my 4th novel, Por Vida, in April.
- Got my son to sleep on 11.27.17.
- Got my son to sleep on 9.18.17.
- Completed the zero draft of Book 5 on 12.31.17.
10 Greatest Failures
- Did not get my son to sleep on 12.31.17.
- Did not get my son to sleep on 8.22.17.
- Did not get my son to sleep on 11.28.17.
- Purchased the Dark Tower movie instead of waiting for it to show up for free on Hulu.
- Did not get my son to sleep on 6.19.17.
- Did not get my son to sleep on 7.31.17.
- Did not get my son to sleep on 12.25.17.
- Drew First Blood from my son on 12.18.2017.
- Did not get my son to sleep on 11.29.17.
- Did not convince Richard Linklater to make a movie out of Veneer.
Honestly, nothing really compares to the pride I feel when I get El Matador to sleep. It’s literally the best thing I can possibly do with my time. And, conversely, when he continues to wail and his momma has to come take over, I feel like a failure.
Oh well! Here’s hoping I get better at it in 2018!
Enjoy all your free time, people without kids!